it's jokes

Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?

I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?

Nail one hand to the ground...

How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

I went to a muffler party... it was exhausting!

Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.

I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.

I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.

Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.

If a sped is late for class, is it wrong to call them tardy?

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

Wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends how hard you throw them.

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!