it's jokes

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.

You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds?

Because it's the average class size.

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

"If all of these structures break we will all die."

And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"

And he said, "It would be breaking news."

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”