it's jokes
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."
I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.
Covid-19 or Rona
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Why is the beach friendly?
Because it waves!
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
It doesn't know where home is.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
What do you call a bitch?
You call it a female dog.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.