it's jokes

I drove my new rainbow-colored car today. For some reason, it wouldn't go straight.

Welcome to Dave’s orphanage. You make it, we take it.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.

The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.

Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!

I wrote a book called "Endless Love."

It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.

How many Daveons does it take to change a lightbulb? None, he prefers to stay in the dark.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

What did the rapper say to the SANDWICH?

"Wrap it up!"

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.

I call it my trail mix.