it's jokes

My nan must really love the quiet game, she's been playing it for ages.

It would just be easier to be a gay guy, instead of a gender-fluid bisexual.

How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.

So I made a parody for "Me, Myself, and I." It goes like this: "Me, Myself, and I, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die!"

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.

It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.

Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Yo mama so fat that when she looks into a mirror, it always shatters, because her weight could be felt all around.

Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.

The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.