it's jokes
Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.
-Tommyinnit
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they can't find home or return it.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.