it's jokes
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
I can now cross it off my bucket list
It is now legal to bully an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I did a walk today, but I had a walk home from a walk. Walk today, but it when.
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Dark humor is like food:
Not everyone gets it.
Or a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!
I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.
It was one-sided.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.