it's jokes

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.

Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.

Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.

Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

I've got a jar of dirt! I've got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It gets really tense.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.

Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?

It's an ARMadillo.

Heard the Helen Keller single?

It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!

I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.

It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."