it's jokes

What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?

“I’m gonna cashew!”

What happens to a nervous nut?

It cracks.

The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, because it always comes back.

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Why do birds fly south?

Because it's too far to walk.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

I know I've changed my name from tj to selfish king but know it's gunna be selfishking#781.

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"

Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"