it's jokes
The other day I went on a romantic cruise in Hawaii. Then I met my girl Zendaya on board. She was shaking her ass and playing with her penis. Then she asked me, "Hey, you wanna make love in the cabin?" I said, "Sure, sweet thang," gave me her number, kissed me on the cheek. Next day she woke up because it was a romantic nightmare.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.
Where did Milky Way get its degree?
At the university.
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?
Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.
So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."
My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"
I said, "Literally."
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.