it's jokes

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?

It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

Your hairline is still missing, even Dora can’t explore it!

You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."

Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.

What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?

Domi-don't-knows...

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?

Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

Why do dwarfs love penis? It tickles their insides.

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What do you call it when two Mexicans fight?

Juan on Juan.

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.