it's jokes
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Hey, I have a joke!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of its clause!
If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Q: What's the best way to eat a squirrel?
A: Open up its little legs.
What's the biggest problem with gravity?
It keeps putting people down.
Are you interested in it?
More than two boot branches.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Hey, look, it's that "TRAINS gender" guy. He says, "I like trains." Uh oh!
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Chuck Norris one-shot down a German fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and yelling "bang!"
Yo momma so fat, I took a picture of her 1 year ago, and it's still printing.