it's jokes
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
Dark humor is like life:
Not everyone gets it.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
Run on a sandpaper floor-treadmill hybrid in a medium sized room for 24 hours. It will be fun!
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it.
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
I remember the time Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... too bad it was so short he couldn’t find any.
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵
C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
Gotta dive and cry some more.
It's Penalty time and it won't be long.
‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.
Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.
What does a pig call its dad... mom? 😂
Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲
Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚!?️
Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮
I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.