it's jokes

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

Charlen's hairline is sooooo fat because it was never brushed.

What makes my life so unfair?

You invading it for no apparent reason.

Your mama is so ugly whenever she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”

There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

My grandfather killed Hitler.

Get it? Get it?

How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.

What did an orphan say to its father?

Nothing.

Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.

If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)

LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?

Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?

Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

How did the United States become a country? It broke all of its states.

What’s the difference between toilet paper and a curtain?

So, it was you....

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

Roses are red, so is my gun. Why do you ask? Because it's full of blood.