it's jokes
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
Why don’t eagles 🦅 like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Q: What did the egg do when the bacon told it a joke?
A: It cracked up!
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
Life is like a penis. It is short.
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
Chris started to tell me a joke about a nut, but he couldn't finish it.
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
What is sticky, but it cannot stick a stick?
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
How do you stop a baby from crawling on the floor?
Nail one hand to the ground...
How do you stop it from crawling in circles? Nail the other hand to the floor.
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
Your hairline is so far back your dad had to go find it for you.
Tired of having to cut your grass? Dye it blue, and it will die itself.
In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.
I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.