it's jokes
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two, but now it's just a sensitive subject.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
What's the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.