it's jokes

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*

When someone saw your hairline, they thought it was a Dorito logo.

I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.

Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.