it's jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Why do orphans work boomerangs?
Because it's the only thing that comes back.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.