it's jokes

Drama

    • Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

  • 7

    • World hunger

    • Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

    Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

    Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

    Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

    Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

    Me: ...

  • 1

    • Wine

    • I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

    Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

    It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

  • 0

    • Man

    • A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

  • 2
    • it's memes

    White House

    • Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

  • 13

    • Yo mama

    • Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

    Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

    Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

    Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

    Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

  • 5

    • Baby

    • What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

  • 0

    • Sex worker

    • A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”

  • 0

    • Vineyard

    • The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

    The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

    The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

    The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

  • 8

    • Blonde

    • How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    5

    4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

  • 0

    • Whistle

    • I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.

  • 0

    • Rape

    • If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

    They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

  • 4