it's jokes
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?
O I C U R M T
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!