it's jokes
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.
It left him hanging.
Why didn’t the bike stand on its own?
It was too tired.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
"Did you go to the light show?"
"Yeah, it was lit."
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!