it's jokes
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.