it's jokes

What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?

They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.

It's funny that everyone is depressed, like, I mean:

Bullys are depressed.

Nerds are depressed.

Bad girls/boys are depressed.

Kind humans are depressed.

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

How many orphans does it take to "test drive" a bus? It depends on how much space the orphanage has and how much space the cemetery has.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, "Dad, how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big dick?"

Her father replied, "Honey, you should have watched me last night. It was inside my mouth. Does it cycle now?"

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"

Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"