it's jokes

Dark humor is like cancer, it's even funnier when children get it.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

I hate the term feminazi. It is offensive to real Nazis.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

When the school shooter knocks on the classroom door, and the autistic kid opens it.

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?

Flip it upside down.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.