it's jokes
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Your forehead is so big and shiny it looks like a solar field.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?
Girl: No, how?
Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
A joke becomes a dad joke when it leaves for milk and never comes back.
I hate it when disabled people get bullied...
... because they can't stand up for themselves.
Why was the orphan single? Because it could not call someone "daddy".
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.