IT jokes
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
GIVEAWAAAAAAY!!!
Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it? And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Teacher: We are going to Seville.
Girls: Omg, it's such a beautiful city. I can't wait to explore!
Boys: Ohh oh oh ohhh.
Omg thanks for 1000 likes!
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
Answer: Because it’s a scaredy-cat.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.