IT jokes
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
You're so fat, when you went on the scale it said "to be continued."
Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
I have been reading this book about zero gravity. I can’t seem to put it down.