IT jokes
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
What do you call Panera bread that has been weathered and eventually gathered and via cementation and pressure, it becomes a layer of different materials and is also one of the most common types of rock in the sea?
Panera Sed!
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad away!
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
Why is 19 afraid?
Because if you add 400 to it, it’ll be next to 420.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In Freezer"?
Answer: Because it's where EVERYONE GOES to "Hang Their Meat!"
What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?
"I have runny volcanoes."
A cow is an earthquake, it's a milkshake.
Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."
Read the name.
Joke: It felt good going through those Twin Towers!
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
Why does the orphan have water with its cereal?
Their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?