Intelligence jokes
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Maybe Leo actually isn’t stupid... maybe she just has bad luck with thinking!
Yo mama's so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Dumb person: Wat idk mean?
Person 1: I don’t know.
Dumb one: Oh u don’t know okie I ask Googol.
Person 1: Wait idk means--
Dumb one (to Googol): WAT DOS IDK MANNN?
Googol: I don’t know.
Dumb one: OH ME GOOOD EVEN GOGLO DOESYN KNOWWW
"Addison, are you one of those kids who are very, very, very, very smart? Because you sound like one."
Dark humor is like water: some people get it, and some people don't.
What’s one thing smarter than Stephen Hawking? His computer.
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
Stephen Hawking = dead smart.
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
Why are baby elephants so smart? They hang out with friends!
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.