INS jokes

How do you call a virgin girl in Alabama? An orphan.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Anything they can't catch you.

Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

I would like to remind all passengers that this is a no-smoking flight, although do feel free to join me in the cockpit, where we've opened a window.

You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').

I got in a cage fight.

The hamster didn't know what hit him!

What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?

A Christian.

Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."

What do emo kids and apples have in common?

They both hang off trees.

What do parents feeding their kids and terrorists have in common?

“Here comes the airplane!”

What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.

How many people fit in a tree?

I don't know, you tell me.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?

Lemme tell you a little story.

It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.

So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.

Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.

And finally... you peel back the last plank.

And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.

BOOOOOOO!!!!

It’s Anne Frank.

The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.

My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?

Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D

Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?

Me: Call The Police Ka!!!

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.