INS jokes
There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.
The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
China servers are up on Fortnite, yeah, check by there.
"China getting this dick in your mouth 😂"
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
The "f" in "orphan" means family, even though there's no "f."
Bro, me
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
What is the best thing about gay people?
They're gay about being gay even though they're gonna get shot in the USA. Wait, that rhymes!
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam foot got caught in the door, can you please open it!
An Emo kid in a tree falls. At the same time an apple falls from the same tree, what hits the ground first? The apple would be due to the kid's rope and noose.
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
"What’s your name?"
"Am erica."
"No, I asked for your name, not your country."
What do you call a nut in jail?
A busted nut.
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?
Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
Why is the sun red today?
The sun turned red today. Here's why. As an enormous Atlantic storm batters Ireland, a related phenomenon is turning heads further east over in the United Kingdom. ... Just like the way sunsets are sometimes red, excess particles in the atmosphere can change the color of the sun in the daytime.
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.