INS jokes
Do nut get in my way.
What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?
America.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
Sorry man, but I got to say one thing. You know when a bully in a movie walks to you, then they walk up to you, and they smell you and say, "What are you doing?"
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."
Knock Knock! Who's there? Candace Candace who? Can deez nuts fit in your mouth?
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...
Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...
I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...
When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.
I like my cigars like I like my women:
Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.
What happens when you put a baby in a blender?
The baby is a cherry smoothie.