INS jokes

Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

What do emo kids have in common with orphans?

They both depress'd on the inside.

If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Who is the fastest reader? 9/11, it went through 10 stories in 7 seconds.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.

Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender responds, "For you, no charge."

This place is gonna boom in a few days, just like the towers.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.

In the morning at 6:30 AM,

Teacher: Who fought in World War I?

Me: Trump & Biden.

Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.

After school,

Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.

"She looks at her clock."

Teacher: And now I am sewed.

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.

How do you plan a party in outer space?

You planet.

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, I'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nlgga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself! I mean that with a hundred percent with a thousand percent.

We don't got sluts in the South, we got NATS: Nasty Ass Traveling Sluts.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.