INS jokes
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"
A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
Mona lisa in OhIo
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?
Happy for the first time.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Why can't Michael Jackson ever win in a race? Because he always comes in a little behind.
What is the biggest butt in the world?
The bottom of the ocean.
Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....
There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.
When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.
In heaven, an angel asks him why.
“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”
Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.
He just couldn’t figure out who.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.