INS jokes
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair with a gun? A rxd.
Yo momma's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list in her hand.
I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
Two cyclists stop on a bridge. One cyclist says to the other, "Can you see that forest over there?"
The other says, "No, the trees are in the way."
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, 110 stories in 10 seconds.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
HOLY CRAP!!!
Crap with holes in it.
Get it? HOLE - Y?
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.