INS jokes
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
It was just a prank, and stop calling our humor "plane." In our opinion, it's fire.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomach?
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What's rap boats got in common with plastic bags? They both a danger to young children.
What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?
MEALS ON WHEELS :-)
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?
Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
When the emo kid is about to hang himself in the school bathroom, and the autistic kid starts swinging the rope like Indiana Jones!
What does a rifle and a microwave have in common?
They both go "Ping" when they are done.
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.