INS jokes
Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
In case of ill rhymes!
Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?
Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?
"I got stuck in a butt crack!"
DIS IS NUT FOR KIDS
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
What is the difference between the human and a tree and a house that has to walk home and walk walk home from school? Was your name in your house? I did not have any good time for dinner today, but I did have a good night's sleep.
I put my leg up in the air sometimes, singing ayo, I'm a flamingo...
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: It was in-tents.
How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
How many times can 46 go into 8? Just hop in the van and find out.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
How do you make Alabama cookies?
Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"