INS jokes

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Doberman in a playground.

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.

Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

What do you call it when you are very sad in Panera Bread?

Panera Dread.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?

Babies in a blender.

Why did the serial killer let the guy in a wheelchair go? Because the guy didn’t really have any body for the serial killer to stab.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Like this if you are in foster care.

Why did the rapper start gardening?

He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

What does Stephen Hawking put his food in? A microwave.

Orphans are banned in Alabama.

If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?