INS jokes
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
So there was a school shooting in Florida. Why didn't the shooter just go to Disney?.......sorry, I just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.
(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
Why can't orphans eat chips?
Because they come in family size.
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
Being in a band without a pencil is as easy as reading snare drum music.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."