INS jokes

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

Having homosexual parents must be terrible.

Either you have a double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in a cycle of "go ask your mom".

Your mama so fat she got in to the pool, the water got out and big mama! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.

What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?

They both drive with their blinker on.

Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.

Also me: Are you okay?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?

Me: Because you have no family.

Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.

Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.

Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

I was at a supermarket in Barcelona and I noticed the alarm had gone off. There was a thief at the store; the tea bag section had been ransacked.

Luckily they found the thief, Pionel Pessi, with boxes of his favourite tea, Penaltea. Shame on you, Pessi!

Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.

What is Johnny Depp's new legal name?

Johnny in debt.