INS jokes

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

Kid: Sure.

Dad: Come on.

Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

Dad: Go in.

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, “If you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?” Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?

They have the same hitbox.

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?

Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

How can a guy do stand up comedy in a wheelchair?

What did one nut say to the other nut? "The guy in the middle's a dick!"

Why are 10-pin bowlers always in pain?

Because their balls have holes in them.

I drip when you take me in the mouth, what am I? Ice cream.

Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.