INS jokes

Woman

    • Why are women like KFC?

    After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

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    Fruit

    • Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

    The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

    They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

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    Neighbor

    • Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

    The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

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    • Blonde joke

    • A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

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    Morbid humor

    • 1. What's the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

    2. What's the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

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    • INS memes
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    Obesity

    • Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

    Patient: It runs in the family.

    Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

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    • Shampoo

    • How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

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    • Dr. Seuss

    • Dr. Seuss died September 24, but that was a lie. Dr. Seuss, when he was 97, he stole a plane and the last rhyme he did was “up in the sky so very far he comes, Dr. Seuss allahuakbar.”

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    Grave

    • I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

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    • Kid

    • What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

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    Slap

    • The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

    The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

    Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

    So the Pope slapped him.

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