INS jokes
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What does a light bulb and a school shooter have in common?
They both light up the room.
You find some dust on the ground. Your friends dare you to snort it... Then you realize you're in a crematorium.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Yup, I'm in america.
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
If Mexico is an unredeemable shithole, then how come the Republicans' favorite senator, Ted Cruz, ran to Mexico as fast as he could after a little bit of snow in his home?
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"