INS jokes
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."
Dr. House
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?
There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.
Orphans
The “F” in orphan stands for family.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
So, I don't want anyone taking this the wrong way, people are free to be whatever they feel they are, and that's not anyone else's choice.
BUT!!!!!!
I personally have my own feelings on "churches and christianity". I feel that it is against The God Delusion and is an abomination to anyone who has half a braincell. I know plenty of Christian people, and I respect that! NO, REALLY, I DO. My best friend is a dumbass Christian just like you are, and I respect that's how she feels, and I'm glad that she made her choice. But I don't love it when people promote this stuff, because it is what the morons are tricking everyone into doing/being. Falling into the brainwashed act is NOT something you should ever want to do. As someone who has some intelligence, this is not okay in my sense.
As someone who isn't an Aussie, I note that Idfk what this is: "The people who defended Australia get 2 days, remembrance day and Anzac day + 1 minute of silence." BUT the christianism community gets YEARS IN THIS DUMB WORLD where they are told that they are 'special' and 'normal, like everyone else'. Which is really unfair and in a way, biased. I was only 7 when I recognized this just from being told at school by all the kids in my class that they are either CHRISTIAN or support it.
I know and understand I will get a lot of hate from this, I also don't give a shit, but please remember that it's just my thoughts and opinion. Thank you for reading. :)
What is Puss In Boots' favorite boot brand?
CAT!
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
Why do white people get abducted by aliens?
Because they're easier to see in the dark.