INS jokes
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
Where were the first French Fries 🍟 made?
In Greece.
What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.
Where is the best place to eat tacos?
In the Gulp of Mexico.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
It's about bottling.
It's about crying.
I stay finished, I fake retire.
Put in the diving.
Put in the ghosting
And take my fake trophies.
Eibar and Bolivia in my veins.
My Barcelona banged by Bayern.
I bottle the game, so what's my farmer's name? (Pessi)
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
Me- *crying in the shower*
Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"
My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...