INS jokes
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
Q: How many emo kids will it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?
Where's My Water?
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
What do a pimp and a farmer have in common?
They both need a hoe to stay in business.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
What do you call a skeleton in the snow? A numb skull.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
The last time I had flying lessons, I hit some building in Manhattan. Then my Uncle got shot in 2008. Darn...
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
Fat kid jumps in the pool.
The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."
The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.