INS jokes

I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.

I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.

Two orphans fighting in the rain.

How do you stop a baby from crying?

Throw a brick in its mouth.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?

Hop in!

You are in the airway, how funny!

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."

Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?

They are both twisted.

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled, "Hot wheels!"

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."