INS jokes
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Having sex while camping is fucking in-tents.
My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!
What do you call a stripper in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
A man hits a woman with his car. Whose fault was it?
The man, why was he driving in the kitchen?
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂