INS jokes

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?

They believe their own lies.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

Three nuns are having a charity in front of the church.

A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes the three nuns. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, but the third nun, her arm was too short.

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

Why is 10 so sad? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?

The average IQ increases in both places.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

Teacher: Take a seat, class.

Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.

People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.

They can stay in their living room.

Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?

Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...

Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?

A: A rapist.

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

How do you get a baby to stop crawling in circles?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.