INS jokes

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach in a blue dress, everyone screamed "tsunami!"

They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

What do orphans in Batman have in common? They'll never see their parents again.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

Did you know the F in orphan stands for family?

(There is no F in orphan.)

Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?

Because vodka in Russia is weak.

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."

"That was when I went to Yale."

"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"

"Thanks! I really need this yob!"

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.

Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

Little boys turn them on.

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

Who is the world's fastest reader?

The Twin Towers, they blew through 86 stories in 5 seconds.