INS jokes
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.
Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.
He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.
What does Michael Jackson and a TV have in common? They both get turned on by kids.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."
Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"
What do Nemo and Emily's dad have in common? They both can't be found.
I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie.
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.
What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?
Hot Wheels.
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.