INS jokes
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front, poker in the back!
What do tampons and your sister have in common?
If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?
Hardest part about being a paedophile?
Fitting in.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda was in charge of scheduling.
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.