INS jokes
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
What do you call a router in a thong?
CISCO....(that thong thong thong thong!)
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a lil' boogie in it ;)
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
I like my woman like I like my wine, 12 years old and locked in the basement.
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."