INS jokes

I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

We have life. I hope we have life. We have God in Jesus Christ. This is a good thing. It is a song part.

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?

Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

Question: Do you know who Candis is?

Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

So all his friends came in one car.

Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

Why do toy bears have small eyes?

Because they were made in China.

Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!