INS jokes

What do pigs and ink have in common?

They both go in a pen.

A knife is like hallucinations, both in your head.

My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.

What goes in soft and comes out hard?

Gum, you whore!

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

So an orphan was crying in a corner in the dark. Then a man came over and asked, "Why are you crying?"

Then said, "Do you want me to get your parents?"

What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.

What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?

They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.

How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.

How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.

What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"

What do you call a mosquito in your language?

We don't call them, they just come and bite.