INS jokes
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Who is the smartest student in school?
The scholar.
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
What goes up and down but stays in the same place?
Stairs.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.