INS jokes
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
What's the darkest point in the universe?
The inside of a KFC.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.