INS jokes
Three good friends decided to meet in their favorite caffe.
The meetup was a successful one, because they all enjoyed themselves.
What's the difference between $1 million and baby teeth?
I don't have $1 million in my wallet.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.
What do you call a baby in an elevator?
Lubrication.
What is red, bubbling, and scratching at a window?
A baby in the microwave.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
"Morbidity, the story of my life in one joke."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.