INS jokes

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?

Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.

Hate me all you want, but I rather love bullying in all fairness. I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? It was stuck in a crack.

What's brown and hairy? A bear.

What's brown, hairy, and is in love with Ethan Herbst? Arij.

What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.

What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?

One kid in eight dustbins.

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.

A slag is like the first piece of bread in a loaf. Everyone touches it, but nobody wants it.

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?

Go look in the mirror.